A few weeks ago, I returned from a “girls on tour” style five-day holiday to Ibiza with one of my best gal pals – who, by the way, did everything within her power to cram food into my sunburned face at every opportunity. I drank an average of a bottle of wine every night, was on roughly about one ice-cream per day and only exerted energy when my suncream needed a top-up (or to shake my thang to Craig David). Oh and my three staple meals pretty much consisted of Paella, paella and…more paella (example below). Although, from looking at the scales, you’d think I was on Weight Watchers.
I’d dropped almost a kilo since my last weight-in. That’s just over two pounds to us millennials. Doesn’t seem like much, right? And, it’s not, but given my history of dropping a lethal number of stone in a matter of months, the doctor still likes to keep a beady eye on me. The week before I’d been attempting (and failing) to join Craig David on stage at Ibiza Rocks, I was about three pounds heavier. Yet, I looked EXACTLY the same.
I guess that gives you a sense of how much our weight fluctuates on an almost hourly basis and even when you think you’ve had a week that’s bound to have piled on the pounds, you probably haven’t. That said, everyone is of course different, however the general consensus is that as long as you have a roughly equal energy balance (i.e the daily number of calories going in = the daily number of calories your body uses), your weight remains roughly consistent. And by the way, that’s a whole 2,000 calories for the majority of women and 2,500 for men. Did you know that our body requires around 1,800 calories per day just to survive? Like, literally, just to sit there. As someone who is somewhat adverse to exercise, I was convinced of my sudden decent into morbid obesity as soon as I landed my first desk-based job in Journalism. Sure, I walked 10 minutes to the tube everyday and wondered around Topshop at lunchtime, but none of that was actual REAL exercise, right? WRONG. Walking uses up energy. Using energy burns calories. Burnt calories = exercise. I asked former Chair of the British Dietetic Association and dietician Luci Daniels if walking qualifies as exercise.
“Sure does”, she says, “you may be able to up the pace and distance after a while.”
A year later and whilst I actively try and gain weight, I’ve discovered the extent to which the gospel of women’s magazines and talkshows is instilled in my beliefs. Every step on the scales is another sharp reminder of the countless conversations amongst friends – exchanging tips of how to dodge carbs at lunch, the YouTube exercise videos that’ll help you tone the annoying lower part of your belly e.t.c. From a young age, we’re programmed to curb our food intake, beware of FAT (caps for emphasis, obvs) and associate all things evil and negative with putting on weight. Hence, re-programming your already anxiety-prone brain to view weight gain as a positive thing is pretty fucking hard. What’s more, for those of us who are a lot smaller, any extra nutrients may be directed straight to your organs, rather than presenting as increased body mass.
According to most dietary experts, most of us have a weight point at which our body is naturally at its ‘happiest’. Hence, for some, maintaining a significantly lower body weight is almost impossible. The bigger your body mass, the more calories you need to maintain your weight – let alone put anything on. If I had a penny for the number of people who said to me, “but you had a big dinner!”, every time I told them my weigh-in didn’t go to plan, I would be a very rich recovering anorexic. If only it were that easy…
In fact, a weight-gain programme for someone who is even marginally underweight involves three large meals a day; clinical dietary supplements; three substantial snacks daily (not fruit), a shitload of milk and one Amazon order of 30 high-calorie cereal bars. In a box, ordered to my desk at work. It’s. Not. Fun.
I guess what I am trying to say is this; for most of us, gaining a significant amount of weight takes a lot of effort, over a considerable amount of time. Most people indulge from time to time, skip breakfast once in a while and probably chuck the RDAs out the window when it comes around to the weekend. And most roughly maintain their weight despite this, give or take a couple of kilograms. So, have a second slice of cake. Chances are, it won’t make the blindest bit of difference to your weight AND for a split second, it will make you that bit happier. Isn’t that what life is all about?