WHAT PORRIDGE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

Gods of Instagram, answer me this; why do your daily collection of porridge bowls present a holy plate of golden, sheeny perfection, decorated with unseasonal berries and grated shavings of a delicious something-or-other, yet EVERY TIME I make the damn thing it ends up looking like a slightly tastier version of my own sick (i.e NOT the below)?

Porridge has always been my elixir. I can’t get enough of the gloopy, deeply unappetising, comforting stuff. Mum couldn’t stand it, but dad loved it and the two of us would enjoy weekend mega-bowls made all the more sweeter with a decadent swirl of strawberry jam. Due to a lack of modern-day machinery (i.e microwave), I am now forced to stand over a temperamental hob each morning and stir at regular intervals for the simple pleasure of my breakfast. I hate to be “that guy”, but believe me, the extra five minutes is totally worth it.

As a once-a-day kinda porridge gal, by this point i’m pretty familiar with what your bog-standard bowl of porridge looks like. Hence, the endless bowls of perfectly proportioned #breakfastgoals are beginning to grind my gears a little.  Firstly, if you’re putting that much effort into how your breakfast looks, you’re probably either a) not eating it or b) putting others’ opinions of your food above your own taste buds. Secondly, NO ONE’S BREAKFAST ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE THAT. Unless, of course, you’re an actual chef or something. And even then, you’ve probably got a job to go to.

Our precious breakfasts – and lunch and dinner for that matter – are unique to each individual and reserve the right to look, and taste, however one so wishes. According to Dietitian Ursula Philpot, the ‘ideal’ is to eat like a small child – no, not smear puréed tomato all over your face – but eat a bit of what you fancy until you feel full. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that no toddler ever has consulted Instagram before deciding what to have for breakfast.

Go forth and enjoy your porridge in peace and forgo the money shot for the sake of real, edible enjoyment. It tastes so much better, trust me.  Thank you to Rude Health for allowing us to bombard their café with camera flashes and letting us demolish several bowls of porridge. Also, check out the difference between Eve-made porridge and professional-made porridge. It’s called REAL LIFE.