I spent a quarter of my life trying to conceal my bulimia through such great lengths that I’m surprised I haven’t yet murdered someone and gotten away with it. During my illness, days would be spent smuggling in family sized packets of sugar laden, fat dripping foods to consume in my bedroom within an allotted space of time – usually 20 minutes, else it would become more difficult to throw up for scientific reasons I don’t need to know – then quietly vomiting it up into our shared family bathroom – or indeed whatever was available to me at the time – I think I threw up into a bag in my bedroom once – then cleaning up the splattered toilet seat and concealing the smell of half digested food, so that the next occupier of the bog didn’t become suspicious. To do this once and get away with it is difficult, but to do this multiple times a day for many years and not get caught is pretty impressive – if that’s the word to use.
When I finally overcame my greatest fear and allowed myself to become vulnerable enough to share my struggles with an eating disorder with those who read Not Plant Based, my family, friends and the whole internet, I felt very proud, but also, in some ways a little disappointed. There was not one negative response to my “coming out”, and many came forward too to admit that they too had an eating disorder and that they too worried everyday about what they put into their mouths. But a trend was forming. Most of these people willing to open up to me had anorexia. Within the first month, no one had directly approached me to say they had, or had had, bulimia or binge eating disorder like me, and I was left feeling like a child that no one wanted to play with at school. Sitting, sulking on a bench, waiting for a familiar, tooth-scarred hand to grip my wilting shoulder and tell me that I wasn’t alone. But this didn’t happen.
A year down the line, and a few have since come to me to share in my experiences of bulimia, but not nearly as many as I had hoped for or anticipated. Surely not everyone who followed us only struggled with restriction? Surely some of our followers must have battled with eating too much and regretting it too? There had to be an explanation.
When I was young(er), I transitioned from developing what I thought to be anorexic tendancies with a 600 calorie a day rule and over a stone in weight loss within a month, to discovering I could make myself sick as a delightful escape from the pain of being hungry 24 hours of the day. Initially, I had thought that bulimia carried no consequences except but to be both skinny and able to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted. I had no idea that you could be any size and bulimic, or more specifically, I didn’t realise you could be fat. Had I known that I could have possibly put on weight with this new “diet plan”, I certainly wouldn’t have started it. Putting on weight is exactly what happened to me as my urges to binge became so strong that the calories going in exceeded what I was able to purge. I felt like a failure. Why was I putting my body through all this stress and not even achieving the results that I wanted? To be skinny. Furthermore, I began to feel like I had surpassed the point where I could tell people about my eating disorder in case they thought, “but you’re not really skinny?!” How could they believe that I couldn’t control what I ate when I looked so “normal”?
Remembering my own fears of opening up when I had bulimia made me realise why our readers might be reluctant to tell me about their own problems too. They probably felt the same as I had: Ashamed. Beat, the eating disorder charity, say that “people with bulimia often maintain a “normal” weight and they often hide their illness from others. It can be very difficult to spot from the outside. Moreover, people with bulimia are often reluctant to seek help.” This is no surprise given the stigma that people who are a “normal” weight, or who are fat, and with an eating disorder face. About a month ago, an image of a hoody being sold on Amazon surfaced on Twitter met by outrage at the slogan “Anorexia. Like Bulimia, except with self control” that was stuck on its front. How are people meant to feel able to talk about struggling with bulimia if it is considered to be just a lack of self control? I know that’s how I felt people would react, and this hoody is a confirmation of that. I had felt like I was rubbish at having an eating disorder.
It’s not just the general fat-phobic public or the fucking idiots at Amazon who tend not to take those who are bigger and with an eating disorder seriously. To be admitted into an eating disorder treatment facility within the UK on the NHS, you generally have to have reached a certain low BMI number. An article published by the BBC last year shared the story of Eliza Small who started seriously restricting her eating and was referred for specialist help. Her family had a history of eating disorders, but she was refused specialist outpatient mental health treatment because her BMI was too high. She said: “It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough at my eating disorder. It made me feel like I would have to get better at it.” I hear that, Eliza.
The article also estimated that around 40% of people with an eating disorder have bulimia, 10% anorexia, and the rest other conditions, such as binge-eating disorder. If just 10% have anorexia and these are the eating disorder sufferers who qualify for treatment (and rightly so!), think of all the other people out there who are struggling, but are simply “too big” to be considered to be needing help. Bulimia is dangerous. It can destroy your teeth, cause fits and muscle spasms, as well as heart, kidney, bowel and bone problems. Bulimia can even kill you. Some of Amy Winehouse‘s family members attribute her death to bulimia.
I haven’t been totally alone since launching Not Plant Based, despite my moaning. I did find an incredible young woman named Georgia who also had bulimia. Like me, Georgia never asked for help. In fact, me and Georgia were similar in lots of ways. When we met finally, we even discovered that we had the same goal weight, despite being very different in both height and shape. She never reached that weight, and felt like a failure because of that. “You feel like you’re being a bad bulimic, it’s so twisted.”
I’m not suggesting that every other person with bulimia out there steps onto an online podium and declares their illness in order to get better. That won’t work for everyone, and it certainly wasn’t the reason I was able to recover. But I do want to open up the conversation surrounding our reluctance to talk about bulimia, or admit that we’ve been there. It’s far easier to admit that you have a problem with food when people can see your bones, as there’s no avoiding that. It’s there, it’s visible. Bulimia leaves a lot of room for secrecy, which sometimes makes it harder to address.
I guess all I’m trying to say is that if I could get some mates who would be willing to tell me that they once vomited in their ex boyfriend’s parents en-suite sink too, that would be nice. (Sorry if they happen to be reading this, lol.)
I suffered from Bulimia for 7 years, from 14 to 21 and I am still in recovery. Although I have reached a point where I am finally able to eat and digest food and ‘let it stay’, the voice of my ED still lingees in my head through every mouthful and whispers “you could always just get rid of all this food”. Its overwhelming and something I constantly have to fight against, something I constantly have to try and resist. Often self love wins yet sometimes my bulimia wins, its all too much. I really appreciate you writing about this. I feel like bulimia has just a negative or ‘shameful’ stigma attached to it that makes it so hard to admit it to the outside. While anorexics have ‘self-control’ us bulimics feel ashamed because we dont have the strength to resist food. It traps us in a guilt – shameful cycle that simply leads to more binges. I wish people could be more open and honest about their battles with this illness, maybe then it wouldnt be so hard to speak out and admir we’re all struggling and thats ok. Thanks for your courage to be honest.
Hand raised! I know exactly how you feel. I wrote about my EDs on my now defunct blog once and was stunned by how everybody was just responding (very nicely, by any means) the the anorexia’s part but just refusing to acknowledge the bulimia- which was the most enduring of the two and from which I only “recovered” a few years back and without none of the societal support I got for my anorexia. I think I was also a lot more ashamed of admitting bulimia, perhaps (ok mostly) because I would have to admit my weight gain was not the successful post-starvation rebound everybody wanted for me, but a side effect. It’s pretty fucked up and I really still don’t like to talk about it, but I wanted to say “mee too” to make you feel less alone xx
I am 26 years of Age and like you have swayed from restriction to bulimia to complete out of control binging. Although I have gone a few months without binging the urges can get really strong at times to just sit in my room and eat till I PUKE on my own away from everyone and everything. I find every day can be a battle and a lot of time is consumed by food.
I would give anything to just not think about food and just eat it.
As a teen I restricted and binged for years, then swayed to purely binge eating disorder. For a while I compensated with exercise, but I never purged. I gained a LOT of weight, and to me, having been restricting for years (but not looking skinny enough to be sick) and then binging and being overweight made me believe I was a failure at eating disorders. To have an eating disorder but be classified as overweight? FAIL (that’s what my brain/ society told me). Last year I developed bulimia (which I’m recovering from) but I saw myself as less of a failure than with my other disorered eating experiences.
Either way, eating disorders are isolating and fucking suck! Thanks for sharing, love your page!
I cycle between anorexia b/p and bulimia, and hid it for about 5 years (until aged 18) until my weight dropped and I couldn’t anymore. No one knew and even now, when my weight is healthy everyone assumes I’m doing well but that’s not usually the case at all.
For the past 4 years I have been bouncing all over the place between restriction, purging the measly 400 calories I ate that day, then eating more than I would ever have thought possible and spending so long with my fingers down my throat that my nails left scratches. And am currently in a small relapse (as much as I love the holiday season, holy crap it makes me feel out of control, especially with deadlines and ever mounting pressure). Despite all this, I have never been underweight. When I eat healthily, mainly fruit and veg with a dash of KFC now and then for good measure and exercise moderately daily – I have a BMI of the higher end of healthy (though because of my height, barely 5’3 it shows up a lot) and at the peak of my sickness I had lost a stone and a half and could barely function, lost a lot of muscle mass and looked like I hadn’t slept for months, still with a BMI of 19.5, my memories from the time are a dizzy fog of delirium as I starved and punished myself for simply existing. I felt like I didn’t have to address my illness because “I wasn’t sick, if I were sick I would be thin, I’m not really bulimic I just make myself sick sometimes”. Trying to stop what I’m doing, to accept myself or even just to stop punishing myself for every perceived failure, is just so hard. I want to eat. I love food, cooking, not obsessing. It’s so cliched, but I want to be beautiful, more than that though it’s a way to feel in control because I guess some part of me believes that if I can be beautiful, then I can be perfect, nothing can hurt me I cant fail.
It’s so toxic and if anyone out there reads my cathartic rant and finds their story goes along the same lines, please know you’re not alone and that you haven’t failed.
P.S. Threw up in the bathroom after my first university interview, realised that the interviewer was in the next stall down. Small world!
This literally made me cry. You just spoke everything that’s been going on in my head for the last 8 years. I feel like I don’t deserve the title of “eating disorder” because it’s basically just my lack of control. I’ve struggled with bouts of Anorexia in the past but Bulimia is the one that has been a constant factor in my life all these years. The stigma behind it is so awful that there have been times that I’ve tried to be anorexic again because at least it’d feel like a “real” problem. It’s really twisted but it’s the way the mind works. Thank you for putting these feelings into words, you’re definitely not alone! It feels good to know that someone gets it and isn’t afraid to say it like the rest of us are too scared or embarrassed to do.
As I sit here at work
In the bathroom stall, I felt the need to look up “failing at an eating disorder”. Here it is. I did not think this exact topic would be pulled up. I am a failed bulimic. I am a failed Anorexic. Unfotunatly, I am not a failed compulsive eater. I started to restrict when I was 13. My aunt, a pharmacist brought me some pills. Yellow and black. She said they would help curb my appetite. I was 5’ and weighed about 130 pounds. I began to obsess over my food. I can remember being 11 and my paternal grandmother commenting to another aunt that I would be prettier than my mom if I would just lose weight. I don’t think they thought I heard them. My weight preportion was not any worse than when I was 13. I began to excercise like crazy and made sure all that I ate was a small cube of cheese that I would nibble on through oht the day. At first my pharmacist aunt would only give me 7 pills at a time so she knew I would be safe with them. After a while she went ahead and gave me the bottles. I took to filling zip lock bags with pills and hiding bags through out my room behind my posters so my
Mom would not find them. I was on speed. I realize that now. The hunger pains were so bad!
I came home one day and watched an afternoon special about a girl with Bulimia. It had never even crossed my mind that I could eat if I could not stand it and then throw up or take laxative. So it began. The rotation of starving /binging/purging. Fast forward to age 18. I went into an inpatient treatment center for 6 weeks. Once out, I experienced maybe 5 weeks of abstinence. Then I began lying to my mother. Told her that my dietician said I could cut back on my portions. And so it began again. I am now 45 years old. I have 3 beautiful children, a kind and patient husband who loves me for who I am., but I am still a failure at it. After I began trying to get pregnant I stopped the cycle of purging and diet pills. I know if I start to purge again that I will surely die. But part of me says to try again. You have not succeeded yet. My weight has gone up and down I’ve gone from very thin to not and back again. I Had to use medical intervention to get pregnancy two of the three pregnancies. I have developed insulin’s resistance. I am now 100 pounds over weight. I recently started a running program at work. The thoughts creep back in..9 one more time, let’s give it one more time. But if I do, I’m dead. If I don’t I’m dead. I cannot continue . I must break free of this evil presence in my soul. But I don’t know any other way. It what I have lived for 33 yrs.
Thank you for sharing . I’m 42 and suffering since 17. Recently it has gotten worse.. I feel at a loss. I have beautifully amazing kids and I quit my marriage. I’m here alone, alone except for My ED.
I wept as I read this. I have never found a blog post, YouTube video, or article that hit how I felt on the head quite as well as you have. I’m 20, and have had bulimia for the last 6 years- despite my best efforts to have a “proper” eating disorder and starve full time. I related so much to this article, especially the feeling of being “bad” at your eating disorder. I was originally slightly chubby and lost weight quickly – I was suddenly prettier, thinner; a success. However that success dwindled as my weight loss dwindled due to my ever-increasing bingeing. I felt ashamed for not being able to starve myself. To this day, anorexia sounds light and fresh in my head, whilst bulimia sounds bloated and round. Believe you me, I know *exactly* how fu***d that sounds. But I guess that’s the illness, hey? Constantly feeling like a failure, like everybody else around you is swimming whilst you’re waterlogged and choking. I still struggle with my eating disorder- I live with two girls who have experienced anorexia but are fully recovered. I feel a strange resentment to them because they were both thin enough to be hospitalised and then recovered. I have never been hospitalised. I have never once been in recovery. But their eating disorders were worse. Their anorexia was validated by the fact that they were given help. My bulimia is hidden and invalid. My mother doesn’t know, but asks me frequently when I’m going to start eating healthily again, go back to my “really healthy diet”, i.e. The months leading up to my developing bulimia when I was eating <600 cals a day and throwing up my dinner , whilst running 2 miles every evening. Sure. Healthy. Right.
This post has made me realise that I'm not alone in feeling like I'm still not worth it, like I'm still not ill enough. It, and writing this comment, has also helped me to start to see that there's no such thing as being unwell in the right way and that I can ask for help. Now I just need to find the right way to do that. (Perhaps I need to find my own friend who knows what it's like to silently throw up in plastic bags in your bedroom!)
I loved this post. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve mentioned my compulsive eating issues to doctors – it almost equals the amount of times I’ve been told to lose weight. One well-meaning but very clueless doctor wondered if I couldn’t just ‘binge on carrots’?! If I developed unhealthy restrictive practices in my eating, my health providers would absolutely love it. It feels to me like anorexia is the socially acceptable face of disordered eating because it’s associated with thinness (which we know society values above all else) and if you’re in the other 90% you can go f**k yourself as far as doctors are concerned.
I developed bulimia at 31. I kicked the eating disorder trend. Up to 31 I had never had any sort of ‘eating disorder’, just an obsession with food. I was sporty. Not overweight. I had an amazing family and childhood and never missed out on love. I was not abused. I had loads of friends. I was always the joker. But at 31 I was dumped from a massive height. And that was the start of my eating nightmare. .
But let’s go back to that first paragraph and turn that mirror and mentally Google the fuck into my life story.. Actually I did miss out on love. I never loved myself. I did have an eating disorder…I was well and truly fucked up around food. I was sporty because it was the only thing that made me feel included because I felt a misfit. I was abused…well if you call bullying at school abuse. I did have loads of friends but many of them weren’t that friendly. I was the joker because joking masked my insecurity.
So here I am at 50 and every day I try to find something else to learn and love about myself. And today I found out about your wonderful book (now ordered). I enjoyed every mouthful of my fruit salad this morning…..and look forward to more enjoyment every day. Life is beautiful. Life is tough. But never stop learning, because the day you stop is the day you die. Today I am a director of a huge technology business and my (past) eating disorder is a source of strength in all I do. It has coached people in my business; taught me discipline; enabled me to have tough conversations; facilitated the biggest and scariest decisions; given me a platform to be awesome. It has also taught me to shag the fucking arse out of life.
Love the frankness of your words. Keep them coming.
Thank you for sharing. I have had problems with bulimia for ~25 years and am finally (newly) in recovery about 4 years of intense exercise, orthorexia, and purging that caused my body to finally break down. This post, and the blog, are really helpful for me to see all the patterns of damage and self-destruction that I need to overcome. Any eating disorder can destroy a person’s body and mind, so we need to treat them *all* conditions seriously and have compassion for each other. I’ve found youtube to be helpful if one knows where to look (follow the intuition, damn the diets) but we have to be *super careful* to avoid the keto/vegan/clean eating zealots who are promoting fear and restriction-based eating systems for “recovery”. I wish us all the best of luck in learning to trust and nourish our bodies.
Hey, thanks a lot for writing this. I’m 23 and have had bulimia to varying degrees since I was 16, but only felt strong enough to tell anyone about it last year. I think the shame and secrecy of the disorder is part of the reason it’s so hard to shake – because no-one external knew what was happening, in ‘good’ periods where I wasn’t b/ping much, I could convince myself I was in control of it and didn’t need to seek help, and when it was worse, I felt too ashamed and vulnerable to tell anyone. I’ve still only told a handful of people, and each time I tell someone new it takes a huge amount of effort and is terrifying as I’m worried it will totally change how my close friends think about me. I feel like I’ve taken some big steps so far but there’s a long old way to go. Big love to everyone out there suffering through similar things – you’re not alone, and things can and will get better for you.
I have suffered Bulimia for nearly my whole life, slowly developing and worsening the condition the older I got. After reading this article I finally feel somewhat at peace with the question… how do I vomit so much and look so big!!?
I would hear about bulimia and want to do it and be super skinny, but throwing up was hard at first. I was probably 12 or 13. If not younger.
I have suffered from IBS and hypoglycemia, along with my food allergies (dairy protein, red meat, garlic, friend foods, oils, spices) ect pretty much anything a weak stomach can’t handle. My true diet should be one of a vegan/pescatarian if I could afford it I wouldn’t have any of these problems.
The inability to disgest these foods and needing to vomit caused me to start making myself vomit, after already having lots of chronic illnesses, and now to this day I puke almost anything I eat. I will go in and out of watching what is in my food and if there is even the thought that one of those bad things r in my food I will make myself throw it up because of how scared I am of having to throw the “nastier” food up later, u know more broken down and deeper in there food. Because u can’t just throw up. It has to be the whole stomach…. down to the last mush of nutrients. I ate some cheese crackers hours ago and it ruined my entire day and I had to puke it all up. And now I just feel like a stupid failure that’s going to have to try and eat better in the morning so I don’t repeat this and can get through my shift at work. I will sometimes catch myself slip up once with a little bit of cheese or whatever, then decide well u can binge now. Might as well. Ur gonna need to throw it up already anyways. So I basically poison myself and binge as much as I can until I can’t even sit or move comfortably. And finally the release. I love that shit. Hopefully someone here knows a way to stop this madness, but I am just so happy to find someone who kinda gets it!
Been there! It started as anorexic tendancies, extreme restriction, but the hunger would become overwhelming and I’d binge, then once I binged so much I was in so much pain, so I brought it up, it was too easy and it went from there. I struggled for years, it almost killed me, then one night I passed out by the toilet bowl I was living alone at the time and was binge/purging for hours at a time.. So I finally told a friend who took me to see a doctor about it. I had tried to tell a previous doctor but they said I was fine and dismissed me, but luckily I found a good one who took me seriously and I went into treatment.
It was scary, it was an addiction and I felt like I was giving up my identity.
I had worked really hard to get into the fitness industry and had a lot of admirers that admired me for the wrong reasons..
and the weight came on super fast when I vowed to stop purging because even though I wasn’t hungry I still couldn’t control the binges.
I gained a lot of weight and some days it still gets to me, but I’ve been in remission for 1.5yrs now!
AND I’m really proud to be studying psychology! Every time I feel down about my weight or down because I can’t even think about exercise/diet without having a panic attack,
I remind myself of the other areas in life where I am becoming more successful.. like getting good grades in Psychology! Something I would not have been able to do
when in the throes of an ED. I use to think “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” but I was never happy, I was obsessed with flaws and how to fix them.. even when I did become underweight my attention turned to my hands being too veiny, or my nose being too round or my fingers aren’t feminine enough.. there’s always something.. My saving grace is focusing on things outside of my appearance that I can feel good about.
Wild how relatable a post like this can be. I have been a seasoned bulimic since the ripe age of 11. I was always a bit chubbier, and was always made fun of for it. Even my mother would tell me I needed to stop eating so much. Once she told me it was healthier to skip a day or food once or twice a week, anyway. Then, came picture day and I could not, for the life of me, fit into the largest size 16 in girls jumpers. I cried as my mother chastised me for gaining so much weight. That night, I felt so guilty about eating dinner that I forced myself to puke all of it. It was so difficult at first, I thought I would choke to death on my own fingers. I made this my nightly routine for the next week, but wasn’t seeing results fast enough. Soon, I stopped eating breakfast while continuing to throw up dinner. I lost a bit of weight doing this, and achieved a “healthy,” weight. I wasn’t satisfied. So, I stopped eating lunch too. I started starving myself all day, then binging as soon as dinner time came around. I was going to throw it up anyway, so it doesn’t matter how much I eat.. right? I lost 30 lbs in one month and went from 5’2, 120lbs, to 90lbs. All of the children who were mean or nasty to me before treated me like a fragile little fairy. The girls followed me and asked how I lost so much weight, telling me I looked so pretty now that the weight was off. My parents threatened to hospitalize me. My teachers made constant comments about the bones of my spine and ribs poking through the back of my uniform blouse. Even my PE teacher lightened the load of running time I was required to do, something everyone in class grew to envy me for. I wasn’t treated as harshly as I had before. Now, I was treated like I was made of glass: and I loved it. I couldn’t get enough. When I finally decided I would try to maintain this magic 90, I encountered my first problem. I realized I had to eat 800 calories per day, maximum, to maintain my weight. Bulimia was just easier.
Now, I am 19, and still struggle with this issue of bulimia. I wish I was anorexic instead. Although I do hold some anorexic tendencies, I am not. I used to have an anorexic friend of mine that would chastise me for my bulimic inclinations. “Gross,” she called them. I understand the sentiment, but just that one word struck deep. I wish I was a true anorexic. I wish I wasn’t weak.
After a 12 year battle I finally recently decided to get help. I used to throw up in garbage bags. Leave them in my room overnight so I could get rid of it in the morning before anyone else woke up and no one would see me. I started going to Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous. I had 40 days “sober” and started gaining weight. So I started purging again and am back at day one. I have a lot of one day at a times and a lot of day ones. I’m worried about the damage I’ve caused. I have gastro issues. I have to see the dentist. I haven’t been in years and am worried what that will be like. But I know recovery will be the rest of my life. One day a time. Thanks for sharing your story.
This is a wonderful blog. I started bulimia in my late teens, I remember my boyfriend’s Spanish mother making wonderful food which I would binge on then discovered on one fateful day that I could throw it up into their toilet and then eat it all again and repeat the process. This was in the late 60’s, had never heard of bulimia, thought how clever I was. Oh boy. It’s pretty much stayed with me since then, to a lesser degree. Diagnosed with breast cancer last year and my perspective has changed – have abstained for a couple of years, it’s always in the background though, lurking away. At the age of 66 I know I will never be able to relax about food. Thank you all for sharing.
Thank you for your authenticity. I am one year recovering from bulimia after an 11 month stent almost daily bingeing and purging at age 38. When it began, I’m sure I had undiagnosed PTSD. I was experiencing severe psychological abuse from my adult mother who came to live with us for several years and basically refused to move out. I chuckle at the name of your blog because I am plant-based and was also prior to my bulimia but mostly because it’s how my body feels good, no judgment for non-plant based eaters! Though we are still great friends, my husband of 15 years and I split up due to the emotional side effects of my ED and lifestyle conflicts such as my request we keep junk food totally out of the house. Even a year later with only a few lapses, I have trouble looking too long at packages in the store of items I used to binge on. And I definitely feel hungry when stressed at times though I utilize many coping skills to overcome urges – including art and dancing. I don’t let myself get too hungry or too full, or overly stressed. I love creating recipes and practice feeling good when I eat. I’m glad we are not alone in our experiences and food struggles. Much love to you all! Stay strong, we are worth it.
…And finally, I am no longer feeling alone. I have been trying to put into words my experiences with bulimia + obesity, and after reading this vlog I felt like there is finally someone out there who knew exactly what I am going through. I didn’t doubt that there were people out there, but it was difficult to find especially when this is something we all keep a secret and no longer have the courage to speak lf because we felt like “failures” at our own eating disorder. I 100% feel this blog, and I am so grateful for those who shared their stories. I know reading stories won’t directly cure any illness, but knowing that others understand does put the mind at ease and definitely is a huge step in the right direction to “recovery”. I quote “recovery” because I don’t believe there is an actual cure that will take this all away because this is a life time battle.. but I do believe that with the right mind set, you can Wake up each morning motivated to do the right thing. And it’s so awesome that there is a community of people who are going through the same to support you on your journey ❤️