Written by Emelia Duty, who attended our second supper club for anxious eaters, and just so happens to write beautifully
A supperclub for people with eating disorders might sound like a recipe for a disaster – to get together a group of people with disordered eating habits to share a meal – but somehow, it works. It was honestly one of the most comfortable meals out I’ve had since I became ill.
Between the heat, anxiety sweat and overthinking (have I got the right place, am I too early, will I stick out like a sore thumb, am I too late…?) I was incredibly uncomfortable walking into the pop-up cafe. I was immediately greeted by a smiley Eve and introduced to about six others (whose names I promptly forgot). I would love to say my nerves disappeared immediately, but unfortunately I am far more awkward than that.
Ironically, my comfort level increased with the introduction of food. Or, more specifically, at the point when were all sat round the table with the first course right in front of us. Apart from being completely delicious – I mean refried beans made from scratch, salsa with pomegranate jewels – the plates were set out for everyone to help themselves to as much, or as little as they wanted. Between throwing bits of kale over the table and hoping desperately I wouldn’t tip the contents of a bowl into the lap of one of the girls next to me, I helped myself to a little of everything. And I enjoyed it.
What was really remarkable about that evening was that I didn’t overthink. I’ve been out a few times with friends with eating disorders and I’ve found myself comparing meals and worrying that I’m eating too much, or feeling that I had to eat more than I was comfortable with to help my friend eat more. But I had none of that. The conversation flowed; from the excitement of a new series of Love Island, a good old moan about the shortcomings of NHS mental health services and even a brief foray into the wonderful world of periods…!
I have to give a special mention to one member of the group who directed the conversation towards some unusual paths by mistaking a comment about retreating to the bathroom for extended periods of time, for a reference to an activity involving a whole lot more self-love than I had meant to imply.
Ultimately, it was a wonderful night. I made new friends, ate tacos and cheesecake (which, thanks to Eve, was amazing) and finished off with a few drinks at the local pub. For a few hours I didn’t have this illness breathing down my neck. I didn’t have to worry that people would think I was faking it if I ate, or that I wasn’t trying if I didn’t; I didn’t have to censor everything I said out of fear that I’d let something slip that would ‘out me’ as having an eating disorder. I just got to relax and enjoy the food and the company, and that for me is priceless.
So thanks to Not Plant Based, and Eve, and everyone who came and made the evening such a great night. It’s one I won’t forget in a hurry.
*And thank you to Emelia for being a dreamy guest at our table of funky brains (myself included), and for lifting everyone’s spirits with her infectious and gorgeous smile. For information about the next Supper Club, email notplantbased@gmail.com to register your interest.