It’s one thing to reflect on your own struggles with mental illness and use the lessons you’ve learned to help internet users – who can relate to your story – create coping strategies, but it’s another thing entirely to know how you’ll react when one of the people you love most finds themselves battling their own demons right in front of you.
I’ve spent the past couple of years licking my own wounds and healing my body and mind, after grappling with an eating disorder for a quarter of my life. Thankfully, I have reached a point of emotional stability just in time to cope with a situation where someone I care about endlessly has opened up about their own issues, else this revelation might’ve shaped up to be pretty triggering for me. Sometimes when you are trying to help someone, you can forget to look after yourself, and this is something I am conscious of as I work to help this person heal in the same way I have been blessed to be able to do so.
If you yourself struggle with mental health issues, the likelihood is that you will have family or friends who do too. Ravi N. Shah, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, explains in Bustle: “A family history of mental illness raises the risk of mental illness in patients on average. The exact cause of most mental illnesses is not known, but genetic and environmental factors interact to increase (or decrease) the risk of mental illness for any particular individual.” It’s the whole “nature versus nurture” thing.
Mental illness can go as far as tearing families and relationships apart – I know this as I lost many friends to my own. Although there are lots of things I could have done differently to protect my loved ones during my own recovery, it’s important to remember that the person with the mental illness is unwell, and needs help to rebuild breakdowns in relationships caused by factors beyond their control. An article published in Psychology Today comments, for example, that “a diagnosis of mental illness like anxiety or a mood disorder in one family member affects the whole family. It might bring a strain on relationships and can be wearing on the entire family in addition to the effects it has on the individual. These responses are not intentional; they usually arise because of differences in understanding what a mental illness is and how to best deal with it. But it can lead to fractures in families, serious disagreement and sometimes estrangement.” It’s important to remember that mental illness can change the behaviour of some people, and that it’s often the nearest and dearest to the sufferer who gets it in the neck.
The support of friends and family can play a very important role in someone recovering from a mental illness, Mind the mental health charity says, which is important to remember if you reach the point where you feel you can’t do anymore to help the person you love. Mind advise: “The best things that friends and family can do is simply listen. They often don’t need to say anything, just being willing to listen to your problems makes you feel less alone and isolated.” If you need extra support with this, call mind on 0300 123 3393, or text 86463.
In the meantime, it is vital that you protect your own mental health during such difficult times, so that you can try your best to stay strong for the loved one/s who needs you. Here are some tips that might help you do this.
1. Sleep
I have no trouble sleeping normally. I’m one of those people/human cats who needs 10 hours a night to feel myself. So I know something is up when I can’t sleep when I’m anxious with worry. Harvard Medical School say that sleep and mental health are closely connected, and sleep deprivation affects your psychological state and mental health.
Sleep should be considered self care, especially during difficult times, so if you feel you need to catch up, cancel plans in favour of watching three seasons of the Office and an extra few hours in bed.
2. Eat
If you’re on this blog, the likelihood is that you will have had eating problems in the past or currently. Try not to let a personal trauma trigger you’re urge to restrict or binge (I know, easier said than done). Treat eating as important as a doctor’s appointment. You’ll feel better when you do eat, and will have the energy to help your loved one get better.
If you are struggling with this, book an appointment with your GP and try to get some professional help.
3. Exercise
Not everyone considers exercise self care, but I do, as when I am anxious about something generally, I tend to feel better after I take it out on the cross trainer.
If you hate the gym, it would do you well anyway to get out the house for a walk. Even if it’s just walking to your nearest Starbucks…it will do your head the world of good.
4. Talk to people you trust
I’ve learned over the years to be selective about who I tell my personal traumas to, as unfortunately some people just don’t care as much as you hoped they would. That’s life, I’m afraid. Tell someone close to you what you’re going through. Someone you trust wholeheartedly, and simply ask that they listen. You need to offload your feelings just as much as your loved one does.
5. Actively seek help for your loved one
Research what help is available to them. If they are reluctant to go to the doctor, go with them. Let them know that they are not alone, without getting angry with them.
Mind say: “Support them to get help. You can’t force anyone to get help if they don’t want it, so it’s important to reassure your loved one that it’s OK to ask for help, and that there is help out there.”
Taking steps to help them will make you see light at the end of the tunnel, and this will help you to stay positive.
6. Remind yourself (and them) exactly why you love them as often as you can
The situation I am going through right now is far too raw to reveal its details in a blog post, and out of respect for the person in question I wouldn’t dream of “outing” them in this way, but I’m lucky enough to be close enough to them that they know I love them dearly, and I will continue to remind them of this through their vulnerable time. You should do the same, even if it’s only a text.
To love and feel loved does wonders for your mental health.